A child’s cryings
It was a sunny morning when I looked at the windows; yet, the air was quietly moist and it seemed that it was going to rain. After I had my breakfast,I set off for my school whose road is rough and rocky. While I was walking along the road,the air was getting dark clouds more and more. Along with the black clouds, I was also getting worried. Our house was at the bottom of the village and there was a river near it. It was approximately two meters above the river. My school was on the other side of the hill and it was three miles away.Fortunately, I managed to reach the school before the rain. When the school was over,the rain had already become heavier making the roads muddy and I was confused because this was the first time I had seen such a heavy rain in my life.
A sound in my heart said to me that I should run to my house and warn my family about the flood. When I reached the peak of the hill,the river had reached the same degree of our home and flood was entering our home.My family was in the house because they could not go out due to sudden flood. I wanted rescue them,so I started to run. I wasn’t running, was virtually like flying. While the water was getting fill up home. I took a deep breathe as if I was also inside the house. When I reached home,the river had broken down our home and my little sister was rolling in the flood.I couldn’t do anything except for looking after her.I was shocked…
Villagers and we tried to find out my little sister during the night.but we couldn’t find her because everywhere was full of mud which made our searching restrict.The next day when the water was pulled down,we found my sister’s dead body.it was a tragedy.My little sister had gone missing out of my hands! Her last screams are still eroding my ears…
There was nothing to do for my sister.Her dead body was lying on the ground.Her face was in mud.I couldn’t see her white skin,but her eyes was clear. She seemed as if she was looking at the world,the sky, the people.Her hair was untidy.When I first saw her dead,motionless body,I remembered the first scene of missing out of my hands.She was screaming and wanted me to rescue from her fate.I couldn’t do anything except for watching the deadful event.Now, she was dead.My father embraced her for the last time.My mother’s high scream was the only sound.I was motionless as if my mind,my arms and everything belonging to me were dead.The only thing,her last scream,was in my mind. I know I can not see her again,but every day,I pray to God to show her in my dreams…
AYŞEN ERASLAN
SEDA DURUYOL
EVRİM ERTAY
SEBAHATTİN ERGÜN
Hi friends; Our grade is 90.
ReplyDeleteCreativity= 25
Language= 15 Sensory details are good.Grammer is generally used correctly. There is a tense conflict in this sentence.”After I had my breakfast,I set off for my school whose road is rough and rocky”. There is a grammer mistake.”I wanted rescue them “.The conjuction usage is wrong.”Villagers and we tried to find out my little sister during the night.but we couldn’t find her because everywhere was full of mud which made our searching restrict.”
Cohesion/Coherence= 25
Overall impression =25 We like your story.When we read it, we also felt the same feelings.Thank you for writing such a good creative writing.
FERHAT AK
CANSU ARGAN
SONAY AKÇADAĞ
MEHMET AKTAŞ
you made up very nice story.You gave a good example. When ı was reading, ı felt sorry. You can give me real story.
ReplyDeleteFatma KARACA
Büşra ÇALIŞKAN
Okan ÇELİK
Sümeyye Nur ÇELİK
Merve ATAK
Hi Friends!
ReplyDeleteOur grade is 90
Creativity=25
Language=20
Cohesion/Coherence=20
Overall evaluation=25
You write lots of details.Grammer is generally used correctly.Sentences are impressive.You use lots of sensory details (adjectives and adverbs).I found any mistakes. We like your story.When we read it,we felt sorry.your story is very impressive.Thank you for your good writing.
BÜŞRA BAHAR
RIZGAR BAL
BETÜL BAŞKURT
ESMEHAN ÇAVUŞ
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNice imagination. I felt that person's feelings as reading.
ReplyDeleteOverall impression=25
I think you used appropriate words to express the feelings of the person. But I found some grammar mistakes.These are some of them
*While I was walking along the road,the air was getting dark clouds more and more.(I think ''... was getting dark '' is enough) *I was motionless as if my mind,my arms and everything belonging to me were dead. (I think there 's mistake in that sentence)
Grammar = 17
Creativity=22
Coherence=25
Bengi GÜNGÖR
Cansel İŞLEK
Gizem HATİPOĞLU
hi friends I liked your essay it is accurant and fluent.There are some gramatical mistakes .ıt is very painfull and impressive thank you for your essay.
ReplyDeletegrammar=15
creativity=25
coherence=25
overall impression=25
sema dipi
yazgı çelik
ender demirci
merve dönmez