Every time when I find an oppurtunity to go somewhere I go to my beautiful village.It is my favourite place..It takes approximately one hour from the main city,Ankara,by car to reach.I like it in terms of its clear nature and location.
I spend my childhood there with my grandparents.They grew me up and treat me like their child.I love them very much.perhaps I like this small village so much as I grew up there.Yeşilöz is a beautiful vllage which is located in a wonderful green valley.It takes its name from its charming green environment.There are lots of trees on the streets.Also,it is sorrounded with mountains and it has a river which flows into the other villages.Once,it used to be so clean that people would drink its water.However,nowadays it has started to be dirty so animals living there have been affected very badly.Unfortunately,if some precautions aren't taken to save them,we will encounter more trajic situations.Despite this terrible situation I like to be there...
Our small,wooden house is by the river.Whenever I am in the balcony I take a deep breath full of clean air and smell the colourful flowers in our front garden.This makes me more energetic and happy.I feel secure,peace and happy.My most favourite time in the village is nights.We can hear the sounds of frogs and see the wonderful visual combination of flyfires.This is breathtaking...When there is a moon,I enjoy looking at the stars.I spend enjoyable time after the dinner taking with my small family.We sit in our balcony and tell funny stories looking back to our past experiences.
All these sensations give me an impression of happiness,freedom and peace.Whenever I am there,I forget all other sorrow things.For these reasons,Yeşilöz is my favourite place.
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Ayşen,your description is so effective that l really want to see your village.Thanks for your writing.
ReplyDeleteI agree wıth sonay your esay is so succesful . I lıked your descrıptıve style.you re OK :)
ReplyDeleteayşen ,I like your essay and now,I 'm wondering about Yeşilöz.I think introduction is not very clear, especially thesis statement.ın the all essay, you tell about yeşilöz ,but thesis statement tell about distance from ankara.
ReplyDeletehi aysen :) you describe Yeşilöz very good.I like it and I wasn't bored while Iwas reading..That's enough..see you :)
ReplyDeleteı can't say same thing which some friend of us write about your essay as your conclusion sentences are not relate to your essay's main idea and your easy have a lot of gramatical mistakes..etc.
ReplyDelete"I like it in terms of its clear nature and location." I think this sentence could have been the thesis statement because your controling idea is not clear,but as far as I see Yeşilöz must be a beautiful place:)
ReplyDeleteDear Aysen,
ReplyDeleteThe following introductory paragragh of the essay looks interesting and very good.
"Every time when I find an oppurtunity to go somewhere I go to my beautiful village.It is my favourite place.I like it in terms of its clear nature and location.It takes approximately one hour from the main city,Ankara, by car to reach.
The following body paragraphs describe your city very well but there are some syntactical (grammatical)problems which are indicated in prantheses..
"I spend my childhood there with my grandparents.They grew /me/up me /raised/ and treat/ed/ me like their child.I love them very much./P/perhaps I like this small village so much as I grew up there.Yeşilöz is a beautiful village which is located in a wonderful green valley.It takes its name from its charming green environment./T/there are lots of trees on the streets.Also,it is sorrounded with mountains and it has a river /that/flows into the other villages.Once,it used to be so clean that people would drink its water.However,nowadays ıt has started to be dirty so animals live/that live/living/ there have been e/a/ffected very badly.Unfortunately,if /somethings isn't made/ to save them,we will encounter more /trajedic/tragic/ situations.Despite this terrible situation /I/ı like to be there...
Our small,wooden house is by the river.Whenever ı am in the balcony ı take a deep breath full of clean air and smell the colourful flowers in our front garden.This make/s/ me more energetic and happy.I feel secure,peace and happiness/happy/.My most favourite time in the village is nights.We can hear the sounds of frogs and see the wonderful visual combination of flyfires.This is breathtaking...When there is a moon,I enjoy looking at the stars.I spend enjoyable time after the dinner taking with my small family.We sit in our balcony and tell funny stories looking back to our past experiences.
The conclusion is also effective. Well done.
Hi friends! thanks for your good comments,but Rızgar said that my conclusion is not related to main idea.I suppose that he didn't read it adequately because all of my sentences are related to each other.see you:))
ReplyDeleteI liked your essay very much.Thanks for your writing...:)
ReplyDeletehi my friend :)
ReplyDeleteI really liked your esaay :)and now ı'm wondering Yeşilköy and your house.While ı was reading it ı enjoyed so much.Your desciptive words are very satisfoctory.see you